There were far too many amazing parts in this to quote all my favorite bits (though I will say, "Stop perving on my aura!" is going to be my new catchphrase) but suffice to say it was wonderful and I loved it. You nailed all of the characters wonderfully, not just Harry and Marcone, but also Bob and Thomas, as well.
The bedroom scenes were great! Even authors who are quite good at characterization sometimes slip into the sex scenes and it quickly becomes just two random people. You completely avoided this pitfall, keeping them in character while still turning on the heat--the dialogue did seem a tiny bit stilted in parts, but not enough to detract from the story.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-07-08 05:36 pm (UTC)The bedroom scenes were great! Even authors who are quite good at characterization sometimes slip into the sex scenes and it quickly becomes just two random people. You completely avoided this pitfall, keeping them in character while still turning on the heat--the dialogue did seem a tiny bit stilted in parts, but not enough to detract from the story.
Lovely work!