Oh. OH. It's been a week or so, and this fic still has the same visceral experience that it did when you first sent it. I have my own set of three, and that is favorite writers in this fandom: grenegome-dsudis-rionaleonhart. *has hearts in eyes, snuggles you*
You really inspire me with your writing, and I have to say, you captured the psychology of all parties involved so strongly. Jane, accepting defeat dismally, accepting failure. It crushed me but you used Grace the way the show does: strength and strength unwavering. She's there for the weak, despite Jane thinking the reverse is true (namely that her faith is what makes her weak), and she is so very strong for him when he has nothing left within himself. I love her here, and I love the way you used her. Please submit a script to Show!
Okay, on to the feedback. Because I still have some. :D
The first time that Grace had bent a little from her unquestioning orthodoxy, to something a little less righteous, oh that had been delicious. The subtle smile she gifted him, complicit in their mischief, had woken an appetite he’d thought long dead.
When I ship-ship them (meaning when I sexually ship them), this is precisely how I imagine it happening. She's gotten his attention before in the series when she pulls one of his stunts or cracks a joke he would make. I still have fanon that he's grooming her bit by bit, but she's a challenging student because she doesn't have his brand of skepticism. But I digress. Man, if you don't write the fic where they hook up in this universe, I will have to do a pastiche or something. I NEEDS IT.
It was no quick work, and he watched, and he heard, as John cut away, and narrated, and every other stroke was a comparison to Jane’s wife, how her screams had differed, how she had moved beneath Red John.
This still gives me chills. /shudder
She was waiting. For someone other than Red John. For someone better.
SO IN CHARACTER FOR HERRRRRRRR. Lisbon being Grace's hero is canon, and that Jane comments on it here is just amazing. Subtle difference that Grace trust in people here over Providence, though it's possibly both (Providence working through people). Oh, and maybe Jane decides he's waiting for someone better, too. :)
“No,” he tried again, “this isn’t something you can win Grace. You can’t beat him, he’s in control here, he’s too- ”
I just love the hell out of this line. Jane gave up. Jane gave up. And he tries to get her to accept her fate too. That is just gut-wrenching, but it's so very Jane. The man uses whatever excuses he can to take a fleet with him if his own ship is sinking. I just want to hold him forever ;_;
“He’s nothing, Jane. Red John is nothing
She sees through him in a way Jane doesn't and really, can't. Jane needs RJ to be formidable because his pride needs him to be that kind of an opponent. If Red John is nothing, if he's just crazy but lucky, then Jane's battle doesn't quite carry the same weight. It would mean that Jane got bested by some nobody. You know, Jane is the one that makes Red John worse--passively, most of the time, but it's there. It's like that phenomenon of states building weapons 'defensively' in response to one another (the term escapes my Dragon*Con-exhausted brain).
Grace smiled at him and he smiled back, trying not to let anything terrible bleed through
Lest we think this has a fuzzy ending...! Best closer. The dragon is slain, but our protagonist is far from okay. You make me want to pick up my Mentalist novella and continue working on it after a dry spell. See how your work inspires!
A+ work, honey. I'd be honored to beta for you at any time. <3
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You really inspire me with your writing, and I have to say, you captured the psychology of all parties involved so strongly. Jane, accepting defeat dismally, accepting failure. It crushed me but you used Grace the way the show does: strength and strength unwavering. She's there for the weak, despite Jane thinking the reverse is true (namely that her faith is what makes her weak), and she is so very strong for him when he has nothing left within himself. I love her here, and I love the way you used her. Please submit a script to Show!
Okay, on to the feedback. Because I still have some. :D
The first time that Grace had bent a little from her unquestioning orthodoxy, to something a little less righteous, oh that had been delicious. The subtle smile she gifted him, complicit in their mischief, had woken an appetite he’d thought long dead.
When I ship-ship them (meaning when I sexually ship them), this is precisely how I imagine it happening. She's gotten his attention before in the series when she pulls one of his stunts or cracks a joke he would make. I still have fanon that he's grooming her bit by bit, but she's a challenging student because she doesn't have his brand of skepticism. But I digress. Man, if you don't write the fic where they hook up in this universe, I will have to do a pastiche or something. I NEEDS IT.
It was no quick work, and he watched, and he heard, as John cut away, and narrated, and every other stroke was a comparison to Jane’s wife, how her screams had differed, how she had moved beneath Red John.
This still gives me chills. /shudder
She was waiting. For someone other than Red John. For someone better.
SO IN CHARACTER FOR HERRRRRRRR. Lisbon being Grace's hero is canon, and that Jane comments on it here is just amazing. Subtle difference that Grace trust in people here over Providence, though it's possibly both (Providence working through people). Oh, and maybe Jane decides he's waiting for someone better, too. :)
“No,” he tried again, “this isn’t something you can win Grace. You can’t beat him, he’s in control here, he’s too- ”
I just love the hell out of this line. Jane gave up. Jane gave up. And he tries to get her to accept her fate too. That is just gut-wrenching, but it's so very Jane. The man uses whatever excuses he can to take a fleet with him if his own ship is sinking. I just want to hold him forever ;_;
“He’s nothing, Jane. Red John is nothing
She sees through him in a way Jane doesn't and really, can't. Jane needs RJ to be formidable because his pride needs him to be that kind of an opponent. If Red John is nothing, if he's just crazy but lucky, then Jane's battle doesn't quite carry the same weight. It would mean that Jane got bested by some nobody. You know, Jane is the one that makes Red John worse--passively, most of the time, but it's there. It's like that phenomenon of states building weapons 'defensively' in response to one another (the term escapes my Dragon*Con-exhausted brain).
Grace smiled at him and he smiled back, trying not to let anything terrible bleed through
Lest we think this has a fuzzy ending...! Best closer. The dragon is slain, but our protagonist is far from okay. You make me want to pick up my Mentalist novella and continue working on it after a dry spell. See how your work inspires!
A+ work, honey. I'd be honored to beta for you at any time. <3